I Just Wish
by Linwe Elendil
Summary: Set after the events in Point of View, because I couldn't stand the ending!  SJ, as always.
1. Through the looking glass

Disclaimer: Still don't own Stargate. Wait! … Nope, still nothing.

I couldn't stand it! I just watched _Point of View_, and I had to do something! Plus, I was intrigued by _Major_ Carter's reaction when Jack comes back through the mirror – the look on her face when she drops her hands to her sides. I wanted to figure out what that meant… So, with true fanfic author hubris, I made it up!

* * *

Sam watched through the mirror – her stomach twisting – as Dr. Carter reached for the Colonel. When she saw a flash of hesitation cross his face, she nearly roared in triumph; but her moment of relief evaporated as she saw their lips touch. Sam felt anger and sorrow simultaneously wash over her as her CO responded to the kiss. She found she couldn't breathe. When the two broke apart – clearly reluctant to do so – Dr. Carter ran one hand through Jack's hair and murmured something that Sam could not hear. Seconds later he was through the mirror, and back at her side. Before she even realized it, her hands – so carefully clasped behind her back as she stood at ease – dropped to her sides, and she had to physically restrain herself from grabbing her CO and kissing him right there; regulations be damned. A feeling of severe need cut through Sam, its intensity shocking her. She balled her hands into fists, gritted her teeth, and waited for it to pass. Of course, it didn't.

The Colonel wouldn't look at her as he turned from the room. She wanted to yell; scream for him to stop – make him face her. Her thoughts ran incoherently after him as he disappeared. She knew she wasn't being rational, but the only words that filled her mind were, _What about me?!_

After being thoroughly looked over by Janet for signs of a concussion, Daniel had insisted on driving Sam home – something she usually enjoyed. The archeologist was like a brother, and the two often told jokes or stories about various aspects of their latest mission. But tonight, neither one seemed eager to share. Sam stared out the window as trees rushed by, wondering if Daniel sensed her sorrow and anger. _He must have,_ she mused, _that's probably why he won't let me drive myself home._

Sam threw a half-hearted wave to her friend as she approached the door. Had she been paying attention, she would have seen the frustrated shake of his head as he drove away. Stepping inside the dark house, Sam left the lights off until she reached her bedroom. Shucking the military uniform she hadn't realized she was still wearing, she grabbed a pair of pajamas and headed for the bathroom, wincing as her eyes adjusted to the light. She immediately wished she had left it off.

Looking at herself in the mirror, Sam leaned on the sink as her nose inched closer to the glass. One hand reached up to toy with her hair, and she began to weigh the benefits of growing it out. Only one reason came to mind, however, and it brought with it the still close memory of the kiss. Bitterness welled inside her again. It wasn't that she didn't have feelings for Jack – she just couldn't act on them as Dr. Carter could! Regulations forbade such a relationship from being considered. And yet, as she saw Jack so tenderly holding _her_, Sam realized with a deep longing that she would like nothing more than to discover how that felt. She crossed her arms protectively in front of her chest, her hands coming to rest on opposite shoulders as she became mesmerized by her own eyes. Short blonde hair attracted her gaze once more, and she fought the urge to begin pulling it out by the roots. It was so… military, and she looked at it for a moment in disgust. It represented everything that stood in her way – everything that kept her from Jack.

_Why not resign?_ The conspiratorial voice caught her off guard. She watched in the mirror as the expression on her face became one of guarded hope. Could she abandon SG-1 for a chance at happiness with its leader? _Of course not,_ the more rational part of herself replied. _The SGC needs you._

Sam began to cry, her body shaking with sobs as tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks. In this reality, she and Jack may have helped save Earth from destruction by the Goa'uld, but they didn't have each other. Not the way Dr. Carter and her O'Neill had. _But –_ she reminded herself stubbornly – _in that reality, Jack is dead._ It was the same for the reality that Daniel visited; Sam and Jack were together, but in that case both had died. _We either get to be happy for a brief moment before meeting a nasty end, or we deny our feelings and save Earth. _It was a steep price to pay – one that would never be acknowledged by a medal for bravery or an unexpected promotion. There was nothing she could do, and the realization only made her sob harder. _It's not fair!_

Finally, Sam could stand it no more. Straightening to her full height, she looked at the "army brat" before her as she balled her hands into fists. Pulling back, she hit the glass with everything she had, smirking a bit at the satisfying crunch it made as it splintered. Sam saw her tear-stained face reflected a dozen times in the broken mirror before striding from the room. She wouldn't notice the large cut on her hand until the next day; her sheets ruined by the stain of her own blood. After showering and bandaging the wound, Sam called a cab, and got to work half an hour earlier than usual – though she was sure Daniel would interpret her fervor as self-depreciating obsession. _Best to get a head start on saving the world again,_ she thought bitterly.

Disappearing into her lab, she didn't surface until Daniel and Teal'c literally dragged her from the room to get something to eat. She sat at their usual lunch table, staring at the cold remnants of a bland turkey sandwich when a new figure sat down in front of her. Daniel quietly excused himself, taking Teal'c along with him, but Sam forced herself to keep staring at her plate, as though her food had just performed some great magical feat and she didn't want to miss the encore. She rested her elbows on the table and her hands on her arms as she contemplated just how long it would take if she decided to watch mold grow.

Jack cleared his throat loudly, but Sam refused to look at him. She knew she was being childish, but at the moment she didn't really care. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he gestured to the bandage on her right hand. "What happened?" he asked, sounding concerned. Sam shook her head. If he still didn't know, she wouldn't be the one to tell him. Not today.

"Nothing," she answered curtly, depositing her unappetizing food in the trash and walking quickly from the room.

_Nothing at all…_

* * *

Well that was just chock full of angst, wasn't it?! This was originally intended as a one shot, but if you like it, I may be able to continue. 


	2. Poor substitute

Disclaimer: Umm… yeah. Don't own anything dealing with Stargate SG-1. Not the rights, not RDA (though I would dearly love to have him at my beck and call…), etc. I hope you enjoy this story anyway!

* * *

_She's going to kiss me_, he thought as he stared into her azure eyes. A large part of him wanted to pull back – to put a safe distance between himself and the strange yet familiar woman who saw her dead husband when she looked at him. But a smaller and more stubborn part of his brain realized that his may be his only chance. _General Hammond is on the other side of that glass, in another reality. And this Carter is not my 2IC…_ In the end, the decision was taken out of his hands as she pressed her lips gently to his.

Jack closed his eyes, and allowed himself the luxury of imagining that it was _his_ Samantha Carter that he held in his arms. That it was she who was kissing him – and for a moment, he imagined the life they could have together. But when woman pulled away, he caught sight of her too long hair. This was not Samantha Carter. Not the one he had fallen in love with.

"You're really not him, are you?" she whispered.

"No," he said softly. _And you're not her._

"I just wish…"

He nodded, a sad smile drifting across his face. "Yeah." _So do I._

Once he had touched the mirror, Jack's hand hovered in the air, as if tempted to touch it again and return. He almost convinced himself that it could be the only chance for him and the woman he loved. But he knew it would have been an empty life for them both – each expecting but never quite finding the one they really wanted. Before he could drop his arm, Daniel shut the mirror down, and Jack thought he heard General Hammond say something about it's immediate destruction. Though he could feel the gaze of his 2IC boring into his back, Jack discovered that he could not look at her. No doubt she had seen the kiss, and he wondered if he had blown any chance he had had with her in this one moment of weakness. But as he was determined not to find out tonight, Jack turned and walked quickly from the room.

He changed into his civilian clothes with shaking hands and sped from the base. Hammond had declared that SG-1 was in need of down-time, and that their debriefing could be postponed until 0300 tomorrow. Stepping through the door of his house, Jack headed for the kitchen, grabbing as many beers as he could hold and settling himself on his favorite chair in the den. An hour and four bottles later, he heard a knock on the door.

"May as well come in," he mumbled. "You're going to anyway…" He was not surprised when Daniel sat down in front of him.

Gesturing to the waiting beer bottles he said, "Expecting company?"

Jack just shrugged. "Misery loves company, so I thought I'd invite some of my closest friends."

Daniel clasped his hands and stared down at them. It wasn't often the archeologist was at a loss for words, but the Colonel knew where this was going nonetheless. "Jack –"

"Don't." He layered his voice with as much determination as possible, but was still shocked when Daniel stopped speaking. Wanting to press this unexpected advantage, he continued. "Just… don't. Got it?" He nearly winced at his inability to articulate further, but his friend understood.

Opening his hands in the universal gesture of peace, Daniel replied, "Okay. I get the picture." He stood, grabbing the unopened beer bottles and put them back in the refrigerator. On his way out, he paused again in the den. "But you should tell her, you know." He took a deep breath. "If I had one more day with my wife, I would take her in my arms and never let her go." Jack looked up, knowing what this confession must be costing his friend. Memories of Sha're were painful for Daniel, but Jack's heart was cold; he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to pity the man standing before him. Not tonight. _You got to spend a year with the woman you loved. I have to work side by side every day with a woman the rules dictate I can never have._ Thankfully he was able to keep his mouth shut, and even managed a nod that he hoped Daniel mistook for appreciation. It must have worked, for the man left as suddenly as he had come, and Jack sat in the gathering darkness, eventually collapsing onto the couch in an uneasy sleep.

He slouched into his office sometime around 1100 the next morning; faint traces of aspirin and alcohol on his cotton-lined tongue. He wasn't surprised when Daniel called him at 1230 and all but ordered him to eat. Jack thought it was odd that the archeologist had used the phone instead of stopping by, but the reason became all too apparent as he entered the mess hall. Daniel and Teal'c were sitting with a nearly catatonic Major Carter. Jack winced at her appearance. _She looks about as bad as I feel._ It seemed that injury had been added to insult – a large white bandage encompassed her small hand.

As Jack approached the table, Daniel and Teal'c stood. He resisted the infantile urge to tell them that they would "get theirs" as he sat down in front of his 2IC. She had dark circles under her eyes, but there was no smell of alcohol on her. Clearly, she was not hung-over, as he was. But there was something… off about her eyes. For the first time, Jack realized that she must have been disgusted by his actions with her doppelganger yesterday. True, he had not instigated the kiss, but he sure hadn't end it either. Pushing down a sudden bout of nausea that had nothing to do with the amount of beer he had consumed last night, he cleared his throat and gestured to her bandage.

"What happened?" Sam shook her head, refusing to look at him.

"Nothing," she said as she cleared away her lunch.

Jack brushed a hand over his eyes as she swept coldly from the room. His heart ached as he felt a strong urge to call her back and take her in his arms – to give in to his desire to taste _her_ lips, not those of an inadequate substitute. But she was gone.

_I've really screwed up, haven't I?_ His head fell into his hands and Jack began to slowly massage his throbbing skull. There were times he wanted to shake his fist at the sky, cursing all that fate had done – and was still doing – to him.

This was certainly one of them.

* * *

Well, now you've got Jack's POV! I wasn't planning on writing anything this week, but my fingers wouldn't let me sleep until I'd hammered this out. I hope it was worth it!

:-D


	3. A Few Hours

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it again? I don't own them. Period. I'm making no money from this. End of story. Please don't sue me – you'd get nothing. And now I'm depressed… :-(

FYI, this starts out with a flashback of sorts from the episode. I just felt it would set the tone for this chapter.

* * *

"_You should eat," Jack murmured, pulling back from Carter's twin. She nodded and wiped at stray tears as she sat. He made sure she at least picked up her fork before he turned to leave. But he knew – if she was anything like his Carter – that the food would remain untouched._

_Jack stepped from Dr. Carter's room, his mind reeling as he caught one last glimpse of the wedding photo, and he tried to forget the woman's softness as he held her in his arms just moments before. But it was an impossible task as he ran into Major Carter mere seconds later. His mind couldn't help but classify her as "the real thing" when he saw her standing there, dressed in BDU's. _

"_Sir, General Hammond told me the news. I took the liberty of informing Major Kawalsky."_

"_Thank you," Jack replied, still trying to force his mind into submissive concentration. "I was just on my way to do that."_

"_I thought I'd drop in on… Samantha. See how she's doing."_

_Jack knew that would be a bad idea, especially now. "She's fine. I think she'd rather be left alone at the moment. Just stop in tomorrow."_

"_Oh – alright. Good night, sir."_

_His mouth moved of its own volition. "Carter…"_

_She looked back at him. "Yes, sir?"_

"_How are you doing with this… twin thing?"_

_Sam stared at the floor. "Do you have a couple of hours?"_

_As much as Jack hated long discussions that had anything to do with feelings, he strangely found himself agreeing. "Okay."_

_Her shock took him a bit by surprise. "It – That was the answer."_

"_Oh! Oh…" He nodded, trying not to let the relief show on his face._

_She saw it anyway. "Good night, sir." She said as she turned away. He watched her go before heading back to his office. _

"_Good night, Major," he whispered, fighting a sudden surge of disappointment and confusion that had settled in his heart._

* * *

After their disastrously brief run in at lunch, it took an hour for Jack to gather the courage necessary to talk to Carter, and he walked straight to her lab – vowing she would tell him how she felt, with the reason for the new bandage thrown in for good measure. As expected, he'd found her in her gizmo crowded office. What was not expected was the fact that she was fast asleep, her hands still resting on her keyboard, and her chin on her chest.

Jack's brow furrowed. _She must be getting a terrible cramp in her neck…_ He lightly touched her shoulder as he whispered her name. "Carter…" Her eyes fluttered, but she made no attempt to move. "Major Carter – wake up." Still nothing. Jack felt a growing unease in the pit of his stomach. Even a zat blast couldn't keep the Major under when he was calling her name. His voice became louder – more insistent. "Major Carter, _**wake up!**_ C'mon!" Still nothing. "Do I have to make it an order?" She groaned, but didn't wake. "Oh, fer cryin' out loud…"

He picked her up carefully and headed for the infirmary.

xXx

"The cut on her hand is rather deep," Dr. Fraiser explained. "There's no way to tell at this point exactly how much blood she may have lost." Jack ran a hand through his graying hair.

"She'll be alright though, won't she?"

Janet looked down at the still unconscious Sam. "The wound appears to be in the first stages of infection, but we've caught it early enough. A dose of antibiotics and some time hooked up to an IV…" She saw the look of concern on the Colonel's face. Reaching out to the man she had come to count as a friend, she patted him on the arm. "Stop worrying. She'll be fine." Jack seemed to crumple in relief and sank into the chair that had already been placed for him next to Carter's bed. Janet knew better than to think the man would go home. However much he needed rest – and a few aspirin, she surmised by the size of his pupils – Dr. Fraiser had already resigned herself to the fact that she had just gained a brooding gargoyle as decoration for the duration of the Major's stay in the infirmary.

What she refused to resign herself to was the shouting match that took place an hour later.

"How did she get here?" Daniel's voice echoed down the hall. O'Neill answered weakly.

"I found her like this. She was in her lab."

"What happened?!"

A sudden surge of anger lent strength to Jack's voice. "How should I know, Daniel? I found her and I brought her here!"

"Well, what's wrong with her hand? I tried asking her earlier, but she wouldn't tell me!"

"Congratulations! It seems we're both in the dark on that."

Daniel's words dropped to a lower, menacing tone. "If you'd only –"

"What?!" O'Neill cut over him. "If I'd only what?! This isn't my fault, Daniel! I haven't done anything to –"

"Oh… you haven't, have you?" Daniel interrupted, his voice ice.

Janet burst into the room to find Teal'c standing stoically between the two friends. Such was their respect for his strength that he didn't need to lay a hand on them to keep them apart. They stood, glaring at one another across his bulk. _"That is enough!"_ Janet hissed. "If the two of you can't get along – quietly – then you will both leave. Do I make myself clear?" They nodded, managing to look contrite. Perhaps it was the thought of her supply of long needles that got the men to finally calm, but Janet was always amazed at the hold she seemed to have over them, despite her petite 5'2" frame. Whatever the reason, she thanked heaven every day that they listened to her. She checked on Sam, relieved to find that the argument had not disturbed her rest, and turned back to the rest of SG-1. "I'll be in my office if you need anything, but I'd better not hear so much as an angry whisper."

As soon as she had left, Daniel and Jack glanced at each other, appropriate looks of chagrin plastered on their faces. The archeologist was the first to speak.

"Jack, I'm sorry…"

"You're just worried about her, I know."

"I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It didn't help that I couldn't keep my big mouth shut, either."

As Teal'c began to relax, Jack took the opportunity to sink back into his chair. He brushed some hair out of Carter's face as Daniel came to stand on the other side of her. The Colonel knew by the look in his friend's eyes that he wasn't done yet. Then again, left to his own devices, Daniel could yak nonstop for days.

"I just think you should talk to her about what happened."

Jack closed his eyes in concealed frustration. "Do you think I haven't tried? She walked away from me at lunch today. I went to her lab to…" he swallowed heavily, "try and explain, but she was asleep and I couldn't get her to wake up." He looked up at Daniel. "This wouldn't have something to do with the whole twin-Carter's-inhabiting-the-same-space thing, would it?"

Daniel's brow furrowed. "Well, it's not that we have much experience with this kind of situation – I mean, the Daniel in the reality I visited was already dead. But I think if Sam were to have any adverse effects, they would have occurred while Dr. Carter was here."

"Just a thought," Jack murmured. Daniel walked behind his friend and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder.

"She'll be fine, Jack. She's strong."

"Doc Fraiser said she lost a lot of blood, and that the cut got infected." He glanced at the sleeping form of his 2IC. "What the hell happened to her?"

Teal'c baritone voice sounded a bit loud in the eerie quiet. "Perhaps Daniel Jackson and I should go to Major Carter's home. We could try to ascertain the events that took place after she left the base last night."

Jack nodded. "Good idea, T." With one last look at Sam, Daniel and Teal'c turned to go. Jack's voice rang out once more, making them pause. "There should be a spare key under the plant at her door." With his back to them, Jack didn't see Daniel's curious glance – the question of how his friend would know that was plastered across his face, but he said nothing. Once his friends had left, Jack resumed his concentrated perusal of Sam's face, cringing as he thought of his fight with Daniel.

_Carter, you gotta wake up soon. Before I completely lose it._

* * *

Isn't it interesting when your muse plans things at the last minute? It looks like the angst has spread through the whole team! Who knew a little kiss could do so much, eh?

More to come! My big test is over, so I've unshackled my muse and opened the floodgates! Yay!

:-D


	4. The Painful Truth

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. It's too late at night to come up with something witty.

* * *

It seemed like only minutes later – but truly two hours had passed – when Teal'c touched him lightly on the shoulder. 

"O'Neill –" he began in soft baritone, "Has there been any change?"

"No…" Jack sighed and stretched the aching muscles in his neck. "What did you find out?" That was when he noticed Daniel, standing mutely on the other side of Carter's bed. His arms were crossed and his brow furrowed as he stared at the unconscious woman before him. "Daniel…?" The archaeologist refused to meet his eyes. Jack felt bile rise in his throat. Something bad had happened. He could tell. His joints cracking in protest, Jack stood and walked around the bed to grasp Daniel by the arm. "We need to talk." Teal'c took Jack's chair and watched over his colleague as the two men marched from the infirmary. When they arrived in Daniel's lab, Jack turned his friend around to face him. "Spill it."

"I don't think you're going to like what I have to say, Jack."

"I'm too tired to hit you Daniel, but I will if you don't tell me what you found out."

Daniel sighed and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. "Everything looked fine until we checked her bedroom." Jack braced himself – possibilities running rampant in his imagination. "There was quite a bit of blood on the bed, and pieces of glass strewn on the floor."

"Glass?"

"Jack – she broke every mirror she had. The one in the bathroom, a hand mirror, even a full length mirror on the back of her door. It's a miracle she wasn't hurt worse – I doubt if she even realizes what she did." The Colonel's eyes narrowed.

"She broke her mirrors?" Jack's brain needed a moment to process this bizarre piece of information, but he knew it could mean only one thing. The full weight of grief that settled on him caused his knees to buckle, and he fell into a waiting chair. His hands were shaking as he reached up to cover his face. "Oh, God…" Daniel opened his mouth to offer words of comfort, but none were forthcoming, so he stood silently next to his friend, lending him strength.

"How long have you and Sam…"

"I don't know," Jack moaned from behind his hands. "It's not like I can pin it down to a specific date. I wasn't even sure she felt the same…" He took a shuddering breath. "I've really screwed things up, haven't I?" Daniel didn't answer. He couldn't bring himself to deny it, but he refused to cause Jack further pain by agreeing.

"What are you going to do?"

Jack raised his head – his brown eyes determined. "I'm gonna sit by that bed until she wakes up."

"And then?"

"I dunno. We'll see…"

* * *

Really short, I know! My muse wouldn't give me any more, though I know how the whole thing is going to end. ;-) 

More soon – muse permitting. :-D


	5. Memory

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

This is the last chapter folks! It's been fun. :-D

* * *

Later that evening, when Jack was on the verge of ordering Dr. Fraiser to feed Carter coffee intravenously – and Janet was on the verge of gagging the Colonel – Sam finally woke up.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice slurred. The whole of SG-1 stood around her, but it was Dr. Fraiser who answered.

"The cut on your hand became infected, so I've given you some antibiotics. You were also a bit anemic and dehydrated, but we've taken care of that."

"My hand?" Sam murmured. "What happened to it?" She tried raising her arm to look at her bandage, but had no strength to complete the motion. Letting it flop back on the bed, she sighed and looked at the Colonel. "If I remember right, I didn't even go through the quantum mirror with the team. How did I get hurt?"

_She doesn't remember?_ Jack was surprised to hear the voice in his head answer itself. _Would that be such a bad thing?_ He tried not to let confusion and worry show in his face as he did some quick thinking.

"Come on Carter, don't tell me you forgot!" Jack feigned exasperation as he deftly lied. "You told me yesterday that you hurt yourself cutting vegetables or something." He prayed that his rank would be enough to keep the three people standing behind him from spilling anything. "I found you asleep in your lab. When you wouldn't wake up, I brought you here." That part was true enough.

Sam's brow furrowed. For one frightening moment, Jack was worried she would remember everything, and he wondered what exactly that would do to her. _It's better if she forgets about it_, he told himself.

_Better for whom?_ This voice reminded him of Daniel, and he almost looked back to make sure that his friend hadn't actually spoken.

Sam ran her uninjured left hand slowly through her hair. "Yeah, that sounds about right." She looked up at Dr. Fraiser. "Sorry I didn't come see you sooner. I thought I was fine."

Jack could almost feel Janet's eyes boring into the back of his head. She didn't know the whole story, but a few hours ago she had heard the team arguing as to the cause of Sam's injury. It didn't take a genius to guess Jack was lying now. Dr. Fraiser smiled softly as she answered. "You had no way of knowing it would get infected. But we caught the problem, and after a few days resting you should be as good as new. As a matter of fact, I think I can even let you out of here in a couple hours. Provided you go straight home."

"Thanks," Carter answered, not quite successfully hiding the guilt in her eyes. Jack almost blurted everything out then and there. _She's not the one who should be feeling guilty…_

What he did instead was stand, rather abruptly. His 2IC looked up at him, her eyebrows raised at the suddenness of his departure. "Well, I think I speak for the rest of the team when I say that I'm glad you're awake." He fidgeted for a moment then threw a thumb over his shoulder. "Hope you'll excuse me – missed dinner." _And lunch_, Janet's eyes berated. He all but bolted from the infirmary, leaving a very confused Carter in his wake.

Daniel caught up with him moments later. "Jack, where are you going?"

"I have something to do," was all he said.

"She doesn't remember anything about what happened…"

"And?"

"Well, how does that make you –"

Jack cut him off quickly. "I don't have time to talk about my feelings, Daniel. If Carter's brain has somehow decided on this 'selective memory' I'm gonna do everything I can to keep it that way."

His friend nodded. He had a pretty good idea what the Colonel was going to do. His suspicions were confirmed with Jack's next question.

"You put the key back, right?"

Daniel nodded again. "Do you want any help?"

"No," Jack replied, looking away. "If you don't mind, I need to do this myself."

"Of course." Without another word, the Colonel rounded a corner and disappeared – leaving Daniel to wander back to the infirmary, deep in thought.

xXx

Three hours later, Jack stood back to survey his work. A trip to Home Depot – followed by a stop at Bed Bath & Beyond – seemed to have taken care of everything. Daniel and Teal'c had swept up all the broken glass when they'd discovered it – something that had made Jack's job considerably easier. He replaced all the mirrors Carter smashed, and had even managed to find the right sheets – thankfully Sam left the tags on. A quick run through the washer and dryer while he installed the new mirrors took care of their fresh-from-the-package smell, and he made her bed with hospital corners and everything, hoping that was how she did it.

He locked her front door and slipped into the night mere minutes before Daniel's car pulled up, and the archaeologist helped his exhausted friend into her house. As he pulled away, Daniel didn't see Jack's truck parked two houses down. There it would stay until nearly three in the morning, when the last of Sam's lights were finally extinguished.

xXx

Samantha unlocked her door before turning to thank Daniel for driving her home. He mumbled something about getting her car to her tomorrow, and she smiled. "I've been ordered to rest, Daniel. Where am I gonna go?" He smiled weakly back, and she got the fleeting feeling there was something he wasn't telling her. She was about to confront him on it when he waved goodnight and headed back to his car. Shrugging, she closed the door and switched on the light in the entry.

Tossing her keys onto the small table by the door, Sam kicked off her shoes. She contemplated watching TV for a bit, but wanted to change first – pajamas being infinitely more comfortable than BDU's. Walking down the hall, she shrugged out of her jacket – being careful with her right hand – before turning on the light in her bedroom. She knew at once that something wasn't right. As fuzzy as her head still felt, it took her a moment to figure out what. _The pillows_, she thought as she stared at her bed, _I arrange them differently than that._ A dull throbbing in her head convinced her that it wasn't something she needed to worry about at the moment, and she walked to the dresser. Pulling out a comfortable pair of long, silk pajamas, she went to the clothes hamper that she stored in the closet. Just as she was about to add her jacket to the pile of dirty clothes, a flash of red caught her eye. Her uniform from yesterday sat where she had left it – stained with her own blood. She gasped and stumbled backward into the bed. It knocked her shaking knees out from under her as she sat.

For a full minute she was able to convince herself that she must have been wearing her BDU's when she made dinner yesterday. Then a doubting voice crept into her thoughts. She knew she always changed the minute she got home, if not before leaving the base. She hating cooking in her Air Force uniform – afraid that anything she made while still dressed in her military outfit would taste like rations. _There has to be a simple explanation for all of this._ But her memory would no longer be denied. She pictured herself shattering the bathroom mirror and winced in remembered pain. _That's how I really cut my hand. But why would the Colonel lie to me? Or did I not tell him the truth?_ She walked into the bathroom, and found a perfectly unblemished mirror waiting for her. That was when she remembered how quickly the Colonel had excused himself after she had awakened. _He must've done this. But why?_ Staring at her reflection, Sam remembered SG-1's latest mission, and what had happened with the Colonel and "Dr. Carter" on the other side of the quantum mirror. She sighed as renewed despair crashed in on her, and sat on the edge of the bathtub, her head cradled in her hands.

_He thinks I don't remember any of it. _Tears coursed silently down her cheeks. She wiped them away with a trace of annoyance. _Maybe it's better that way…_ The truth was painful, but there was nothing she could do to change it. She couldn't deny that she had feelings for her CO, and seeing him kiss her double through that damned mirror had only made her even more aware of how inappropriate those feelings were – and how there was nothing she could do about them. Sam swallowed hard as she went back in the bedroom to change. Though it was nearly midnight, she curled up on the couch to watch TV, knowing she would not be able to sleep just yet. Passing the first few late night infomercials, she found herself watching _Sleepless in Seattle_.

She had never liked the movie, finding it slow and frustrating as the main characters continued to brush past each other. Now she felt a curious kinship to them. When she awoke two hours later, she felt a pang of annoyance at having missed the happy ending. Some vampire movie had taken over the channel, and Sam shut off the TV in disgust – she saw enough fantastical things in her own work to bother watching what Hollywood came up with anymore.

Staggering into the bedroom, Sam crawled into the too-crisp sheets and hugged one of her pillows to her chest. She buried her face in it and breathed deeply, overjoyed that it held some of his scent. One tear trailed down her cheek as she turned off the light on her nightstand and fell into a fitful sleep.

xXx

"We should have done this a lot sooner," Jack murmured as he kissed the top of Sam's head. She was on leave from Atlantis, and he had called the President himself, demanding a few days off from the relentless meetings he had to endure in Washington. Both of them had wound up at Sam's place, and were now snuggling – fully clothed – on her bed.

"Mmm, hmm," Sam murmured as her bare feet brushed his.

Jack recoiled. "Whoa – cold!"

"Maybe we should get under the sheets." He smiled in response.

"I would like nothing better." He kissed her softly, slowly. She frowned as she felt him pull away, and opened her eyes. He was staring at her intently.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" he asked, his face betraying one of his rare bouts of seriousness.

"Not in the last five minutes," she responded coyly. "Have I told you how glad I am that these sheets finally smell like you again?" _Uh, oh,_ she thought. _Not what I meant to say…_ The look of confusion on his face was enough to tell her that he had caught her slip of the tongue. Apparently the small amount of wine they had had earlier was not enough to slow down his mental processes, though it seemed more than enough to make her spill all her secrets. She sighed, and pushed herself up to sit cross-legged before him, running one hand through her hair.

"What do you mean, 'again'?" he asked, eyes narrowing.

"Remember the incident – years ago – with the quantum mirror?"

"Which one? The time Daniel went through, or the time…?" He stopped as everything became clear. He grasped her right hand, tracing the faint scar. "You remember what really happened, don't you?"

She grimaced apologetically. "Actually, I remembered everything that night, after I got home."

He wouldn't meet her eyes. "What gave it away?"

"I found my uniform in the clothes hamper. It had my blood on it."

"Ah," he said, still not looking at her. His fingers ran delicately over the back of her hand. "I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to apologize," she said fervently, reaching up to touch his face. "You did the best you could to spare me the pain."

"No I didn't," he murmured. "I should never have kissed her in the first place." Sam stayed quiet – she wouldn't lie to him and say that it hadn't hurt. "You know," he continued, "Now may not be the best time, but there was something I wanted to do tonight…" Sam felt a flush creep up her neck, but was shocked when he climbed off the bed to kneel down before her.

"Jack…?"

He pulled a small box from his pocket. "Ever since I saw that picture of the other Carter with the other… me – I've been thinking about how lucky they were. And how much I wanted that for us. But there was always something in the way." Sam's eyes clouded over with tears that she was determined not to let fall. "I work in Washington, and you work… well, even farther away than that." They both smiled. "But I'm willing to give this a shot if you are." Jack opened the box to reveal a ring. Sam couldn't see it through her blurred vision. She heard Jack swallow. "Samantha Carter, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Sam pushed herself to the edge of the bed and took his face in her hands. She was surprised to see him crying, and finally let her own tears fall.

"I would love nothing more," she replied, running her hands through his silver hair. Jack let out the breath he had been holding and grasped her left hand. He slipped the ring onto her finger, and Sam was finally able to make it out. It had a yellow diamond set low in white gold, the spiral design on either side of the stone reminding her of an open wormhole.

"I know it's not your traditional kind of ring, but what do you get a woman who's destroyed a sun?" He smiled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in a way that Sam didn't think she would ever tire of.

"It's perfect," she replied. She slipped from the bed to sit in his lap and wrapped her legs loosely around his waist. "Colonel Samantha O'Neill. I think I could get used to that." Laying her hands on his chest, she smiled vibrantly as she looked into his eyes.

"Funny," he said, smiling just as brightly, "I think I could, too."

* * *

The End!

Sorry for all the angst. I hope the fluff at the end made up for it! I don't know anything about what comes after the show and what Sam does in Atlantis, so I tried to keep it as vague as possible. Hope it makes sense!


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